Communicating with your nanny is one of the most important parts of building a successful nanny-family relationship. Even the most experienced, thoughtful, and proactive caregiver can’t know what your family expects unless you tell them. Clear communication gives your nanny the information they need to do their job well, while helping you build the trust and consistency that make a long-term relationship work. Here’s how to do just that.

1) How Should Parents Communicate Their Expectations to a Nanny?

Even the most exceptional nanny can’t meet expectations they don’t know about. If you want the children outside every morning, prefer organic snacks, or expect the schedule for the following day ahead of time, say so.

The same applies to smaller details. Do you want the nanny to wash the children’s hands as soon as they get home? Should laundry be folded and put away a certain way? Are there foods your children shouldn’t have? Does homework need to be completed before playtime?

These details may feel obvious because you live with them every day. For a nanny entering your household, they’re new information and may greatly differ from their previous experiences. This doesn’t apply to simple information that covers how to do the job, but consider what might be specific to your household and parenting style, and make sure these specifics are communicated. 

A welcome guide can be helpful during the first weeks. Include schedules, routines, emergency contacts, household preferences, school information, and anything else your nanny will need to know. Then, give them time to learn.

2) Don’t Expect Your Nanny to Take a Hint

One of the easiest communication mistakes parents can make is hinting instead of asking.

If your toddler needs a haircut and you’d like your nanny to take her, saying, “Wow, she really needs a haircut soon,” may sound like a request to you. Your nanny, however, may hear it as an observation. 

Instead, be direct. Try: “Would you be able to take her for a haircut this week?”

Communicating with your nanny eliminates guesswork. It also prevents another common problem: uncertainty about whether a one-time request is actually an ongoing responsibility.

The same principle applies when something isn’t going well. If you’d like your nanny to change how they handle a routine, explain what you’d like to see rather than hoping they notice the difference.

3) Remember That Every Family Is Different

Your nanny may have worked with many families before yours, but they have never worked with your family before.

They may have cared for children the same age, followed similar schedules, or handled comparable household responsibilities. Still, your children have their own personalities, your home has its own rhythm, and your family has its own way of doing things.

Good nannies are adaptable, but adaptation takes time. Communicating with your nanny clearly and consistently gives them a roadmap for becoming part of your household.

It’s also important to leave room for your nanny to communicate with you. They may notice something about your child that you haven’t seen, have a suggestion for improving a routine, or have a question about an expectation. Creating space for those conversations makes the relationship collaborative rather than one-sided.

4) How Should Parents Give Feedback to Their Nanny?

You don’t have to wait until you’re frustrated to bring something up.

If you notice a small issue, address it calmly and promptly. Be specific about what happened, explain why it matters, and clarify what you’d like to happen going forward.

For example, instead of saying, “You’re always on your phone,” you could say, “I’d like phones to stay in your bag while you’re actively caring for the kids, except when you need to use yours for work or an emergency.”

Specific feedback is easier to understand and act on. It also gives your nanny a fair opportunity to make a change.

Remember, feedback should go both ways. Ask your nanny how things are going, whether they have any concerns, and whether there’s anything they need from you to do their job successfully.

5) Give Your Nanny a Chance to Learn

Even a great nanny won’t walk into a new household knowing every preference on day one. There’s a learning curve, and expecting perfection immediately can create unnecessary frustration.

Instead, communicate your expectations, answer questions, offer guidance, and give your nanny a reasonable opportunity to adjust. You may be surprised by how quickly an experienced caregiver learns your household once she understands what matters most.

Of course, there are times when a nanny simply isn’t the right fit. If you’ve clearly communicated expectations, provided guidance, and given your nanny opportunities to improve, but the same issues continue, it may be time to reconsider the match.

Until then, don’t mistake the need for communication for a lack of ability.

6) How Can Families Build Better Communication With a Nanny?

Successful nanny-family relationships aren’t built on mind reading. They’re built on trust, clarity, respect, and consistent communication.

Set aside time for regular check-ins, even when things are going well. A quick weekly conversation can help you discuss what’s working, address upcoming changes, and make sure everyone is on the same page.

The goal of communicating with your nanny isn’t to micromanage. It’s to give them the information, context, and support they need to succeed.

When parents communicate clearly, nannies can do their best work. And when nannies feel comfortable asking questions and sharing observations, families benefit too.

Your perfect nanny may be incredibly intuitive, experienced, and proactive. But they still aren’t a mind reader. Tell them what you need, listen to what they have to say, and give the relationship room to grow. That’s how a great placement becomes a truly successful partnership.

7) Frequently Asked Questions

a) How often should parents communicate with their nanny?

Families should communicate with their nanny daily about important schedules, changes, and anything involving the children. Regular weekly check-ins can also give both sides an opportunity to discuss what’s working and address small concerns before they become bigger issues.

b) What should parents do if their nanny isn’t meeting expectations?

Start with a clear, respectful conversation. Explain the specific concern, clarify what you’d like to see instead, and give your nanny an opportunity to adjust. Clear expectations and constructive feedback should come before assuming someone isn’t a good fit.

c) Should parents create a written list of expectations for their nanny?

Yes. A written welcome guide or household handbook can be especially helpful when a nanny starts a new position. It can include schedules, routines, emergency information, household preferences, school details, and other practical information.

d) Should a nanny be able to give parents feedback?

Absolutely. A successful nanny-family relationship works both ways. Nannies spend significant time with children and may have valuable observations or suggestions. Giving them a comfortable way to communicate helps create a stronger partnership.

e) What if a nanny still doesn’t meet expectations after receiving feedback?

If you’ve clearly communicated expectations, provided guidance, and allowed reasonable time for improvement, but the same issues continue, it may be worth reconsidering the placement. Communication can solve many misunderstandings, but it can also help families recognize when a match genuinely isn’t working.

Found this helpful? Check out our other articles:

• How to Set Clear Expectations for Your Nanny Without Micromanaging
• Nanny-Parent Communication Strategies for Stronger Partnerships