Most families spend a lot of time thinking about how to find the right nanny. Very few think about what happens if they need to let one go. It’s an uncomfortable topic, and it’s easy to put off until the situation becomes harder than it needs to be. But letting a nanny go, when it’s the right call, is something that can be done with genuine care and dignity. For the nanny, for your family, and for the children who’ve been at the center of it all. Here’s what that looks like in practice.
1) When Is It the Right Time to Let a Nanny Go?
Before anything else, it’s worth asking honestly whether the situation is fixable. Not every difficult stretch means it’s time to part ways. Sometimes what’s needed is a direct conversation, a reset of expectations, or a formal check-in.
But, of course, there are situations where letting a nanny go is the right call. A serious breach of trust, repeated violations of household guidelines, performance issues that haven’t improved after feedback, or a mismatch in values are all valid reasons. So is a change in your family’s circumstances like a parent returning home full-time, a move, or a child starting school.
If you’ve had the conversations and the problems persist, or something happened that makes continuing feel wrong, trust that instinct.
2) How to Prepare Before the Conversation
Preparation matters. Before the conversation happens, get clear on a few things.
a) Know your reason and be ready to state it
You don’t owe a lengthy explanation, but you do owe honesty. A vague “it’s just not working out” is harder to receive than a clear, kind explanation.
b) Review your work agreement
What does it say about notice and severance? California law requires all wages be paid at the time of termination. Be ready in accordance to both your work agreement and your state’s laws.
c) Think about timing
Avoid letting a nanny go on a Friday evening or right before a holiday, and when possible, give them time to begin their job search.
d) Prepare for the children
Depending on their ages, think about what you’ll say before the conversation happens. Make it age-appropriate, and make sure you answer any questions they may have.
3) How to Have the Conversation
This conversation should happen in person, privately, and without the children present. Keep it brief, direct, and kind.
A simple opening might sound like, “”We’ve given this a lot of thought, and we’ve decided it’s time for us to part ways.”
It doesn’t need to be long. In fact, shorter is usually better. The goal isn’t to reiterate every concern or walk through a list of grievances. It’s to be clear, kind, and direct so your nanny understands what is happening and why.
If the reason is performance-based, say so plainly without being harsh. If it’s a change in your family’s situation, say that. You don’t need to over-explain, but you do need to be truthful.
4) What About the Children?
This is often the hardest part of letting a nanny go. Children form deep bonds with their caregivers, and that loss is real.
Depending on the circumstances, you may want to allow for a goodbye. If the separation is amicable, this can be meaningful for everyone. If the termination involves a serious breach of trust, a clean break may be more appropriate.
Be honest with your children in age-appropriate terms. Something like “things are changing and we’re going to find someone new” is usually enough for younger children. Older kids may need a bit more.
5) What Not to Do
Do not delay once you’ve made the decision. Prolonging things out of guilt makes everything harder.
Do not have the conversation over text or email unless safety is a concern.
Do not involve the children in the termination. They should not be present and should not feel they need to choose sides.
Do not withhold pay. Beyond being legally required, it’s the right thing to do.
Do not drag things into an extended notice period if the relationship has broken down.
6) Moving Forward
Letting a nanny go is hard, but it’s sometimes necessary. How you handle it matters, both for your family and for the caregiver who has been part of your home. A process that’s honest, respectful, and well-prepared goes a long way toward closing the chapter with integrity.
7) Frequently Asked Questions
a) What is the right way to go about letting a nanny go?
Let a nanny go in person, privately, and without the children present. Be clear about your reason, have all wages and any agreed severance ready, and keep the conversation brief, direct, and respectful. Review your work agreement ahead of time to ensure you’re meeting any notice or payment obligations.
b) Do I have to give notice when letting a nanny go in California?
California is an at-will employment state, so you can end the employment relationship at any time. However, your work agreement may specify a notice period or severance obligation. California law requires all wages owed be paid at the time of termination regardless of notice.
c) How much severance should I give a nanny?
Severance isn’t legally required in California, but it’s often considered best practice, particularly for long-tenured nannies. A common benchmark is one to two weeks of pay per year of service, though this varies based on circumstances and your work agreement.
d) How do I explain to my child that their nanny is leaving?
Keep it simple and age-appropriate. Something like “things are changing and we’re going to find someone new” is usually enough for young children. Acknowledge their feelings, give them space to be sad if they need to be, and reassure them they’ll be okay.
e) Can I let a nanny go without a reason?
In California, employment is at-will, meaning you’re not legally required to provide a reason. However, providing a clear, honest explanation is respectful and makes the process easier for your nanny to understand and accept.
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