We’re all a constant work in progress, but no one more so than a child. When it comes to how we assess children, it’s important to always remember they are growing little humans and learning more about themselves every day. It’s crucial to avoid using labels when describing them – both to others and them firsthand. Labels stick, and it’s not uncommon for kids to have a hard time shedding them, even if we think they’re positive.

Words matter, right? Perhaps if you take a moment, you might recall some labels that were unfairly attached to you when you were growing up. If you’re conjuring up one or two right now, chances are they were hurtful. Our words shape children into who they are, yes, but also how they think of themselves.

Labeling restricts potential. This means that when a child hears “Daphne is always lazy with her homework” or “Brian is messy and never picks up his toys like he’s supposed to,” they are less likely to be inspired to make strides to work on their habits and behaviors.

This leads to a distance between child and adult – both in communication and emotional response. Which is why it’s critical to lead with empathy, understanding, and positivity. Even when it’s difficult to do so, avoiding negative descriptors will lead to a stronger bond with the child.

Even Positive Labels Can Be Harmful

On the flip side, the overuse of positive labels can also be detrimental to a child’s personal growth. It’s important to note that there is a difference between positive reinforcement (“Great job, Amabella, it’s good for everyone when you share your toys on your own”) and positive labels.

The Center for Parenting Education warns against using descriptors like “beautiful” and “handsome” as a replacement for addressing the child by name or calling them things like “princess” or “king” which can lead to a sense of entitlement that everyone should treat them that way on a regular basis.

Leading With Love

One way you can incorporate positive reinforcement is by using descriptive praise. This is an encouraging way to motivate a child to grow. For example:

• “You remembered to bring your lunch box home today! That’s very responsible.”
• “Great job picking up your toys in your room – I didn’t even have to ask you today! When you’re done with your things, it’s important to put them away. Thanks for listening and showing motivation!”
• “I know you weren’t up for playing with Sarah today and thanking her for asking but telling her you’d rather play alone instead was kind and polite.”

Additionally, you can always make sure kids overhear you speaking positively about them to their parents. “Jason was such a big help today! I couldn’t have put all the groceries away without him” and things of that nature go a very long way in building kids’ self-esteem and desire to be helpful.

There are so many ways to make sure kids know what’s expected of them without labeling them or using negative language to get through to them. Rewarding them for a job well done and personally modeling behavior you’d like to see from them will help them learn and grow healthily.