Dear Westside Nannies,

I love our nanny. She’s wonderful with our children, a consummate professional, incredibly patient, and has been a true blessing to our whole family. But I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I’ve been feeling insecure lately. My kids seem to prefer spending time with the nanny over me. It’s in the little things—they run to her when they get hurt, they want her to put them to bed, etc. I know this shouldn’t bother me—I’m so grateful we found a caregiver that my kids adore—but it does. Is it normal to feel this way? And what can I do to strengthen my bond with my kids while still appreciating everything she does?

Sincerely,

A Parent with Hurt Feelings

Thank you for reaching out with this delicate question. First, we just want to be totally honest with you: you are not alone! We’ve chatted with many parents who experience a mix of emotions when they hear their kids prefer their nanny. It’s completely normal to feel both grateful for the incredible bond your nanny has with your children and, at the same time, a little uneasy about it. Let’s talk about what’s really happening and how you can navigate these feelings.

1) Why Do My Kids Seem to Prefer My Nanny Over Me?

When you find yourself thinking, “My kids like my nanny more,” it’s important to remember that children naturally gravitate toward the person they spend the most time with. If your nanny is with them for the majority of the day while you’re out of the house, it makes sense that they turn to them for comfort and care.

Additionally, nannies often have the advantage of engaging with children in a structured way: playing games, doing crafts, and following predictable routines. This can sometimes make them feel like the “fun” caregiver, while parents, who manage responsibilities like discipline, meal prep, and bedtime routines, can feel less favored in comparison.

2) Does This Mean I’m Not a Good Parent?

Absolutely not! Feeling this way doesn’t reflect on your parenting skills or the love your children have for you. In fact, your children’s ability to form strong attachments with their nanny is a sign that they feel safe, secure, and loved, which is ultimately a testament to the loving environment you’ve created.

Children are still learning how to communicate their emotions, and sometimes, they say things without fully understanding their impact. Their bond with their nanny doesn’t replace their bond with you—it simply adds to the network of love and care surrounding them. (We know you know this, but we thought it was worth a reminder regardless!)

3) How Can I Strengthen My Bond with My Kids While Still Valuing My Nanny?

If you’re feeling disconnected, here are some ways to nurture your relationship with your kids:

• Create Special One-on-One Time: Even if it’s just 10-15 minutes each day, find a moment to dedicate your undivided attention to your children. Read books, play their favorite game, or just chat about their day.
• Be Present in Little Moments: Even if you can’t be with them all day, small gestures matter—pack a special note in their lunchbox, call to say hello, or be the one to tuck them in when possible.
• Establish Family Rituals: Weekly movie nights, Sunday morning pancake breakfasts, or bedtime stories can create meaningful traditions that your children look forward to with you.
• Express Your Love Often: Let them hear how much they mean to you. Simple affirmations like “I love you so much” or “I’m so lucky to be your parent” reinforce your connection.

Most importantly, instead of viewing your nanny as competition, see them as a valuable extension of your parenting team; they’re a part of your village. The love they provide your children only adds to your kiddos’ emotional well-being, and by working together, you and your nanny can ensure they feel supported in every way.

4) Final Thoughts

It’s completely understandable to feel a pang of jealousy when you think, “My kids like my nanny more,” but remember that love isn’t a competition. Your children love you deeply, and their bond with their nanny doesn’t take away from that. Instead, it’s a sign that you’ve done an excellent job ensuring they are surrounded by people who care deeply for them.

By focusing on the quality of your time together and embracing the wonderful role your nanny plays, you’ll create an environment where your children feel secure, loved, and supported by all the important people in their lives.

If you ever need more guidance or support, we’re always here to help!