Hiring a nanny is a big step, and ideally, the beginning of a trusting, long-term partnership. But what happens when things feel “off” after the hire? It’s natural to hope small concerns will resolve themselves, but sometimes, those early warning signs are worth paying attention to.
1) How to spot compatibility issues early
Even with a thoughtful interview process and glowing references, some mismatches only become clear once a nanny is working in your home. But it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a bad nanny; it just might mean they’re not the right fit for your family.
Here are a few of the bigger red flags to watch for:
a) Lack of engagement with your child
You notice your nanny is more focused on their phone than your child, or they seem passive rather than actively engaging in play, reading, or interaction. Connection and attentiveness are key parts of quality care, especially in the early stages of the relationship.
b) Disregard for household guidelines
Maybe you’ve asked for no screen time, only to find your child watching TV. Or nap routines are being skipped. A nanny who consistently ignores your boundaries—even small ones—may not be fully respecting your parenting style.
c) Poor communication
If your nanny avoids giving updates, is vague about the day’s activities, or seems defensive when you ask questions, that’s a concern. Healthy nanny-family dynamics thrive on open, respectful communication.
d) Punctuality or reliability issues
Showing up late, taking excessive sick days early on, or not following through on commitments are clear signs of potential instability in the role.
e) Gut feelings
Sometimes it’s not about any one behavior, but a consistent sense that something isn’t right—your child seems unhappy, the energy in your home feels tense, or you find yourself on edge when your nanny is present. Trust that instinct, and open a conversation.
2) Steps to take if you notice concerns post-hire
It’s important not to jump to conclusions, but it’s equally important not to ignore ongoing issues. The good news? Many early concerns can be resolved with thoughtful, proactive communication.
a) Step 1: Observe and document
Spend a few days paying closer attention. Keep track of what’s happening, when it happens, and how it makes you and your little ones feel. This helps you approach any necessary conversations with clarity and specific examples, not just emotion.
b) Step 2: Schedule a check-in
Don’t let frustration build. Set aside time to talk in a private, calm setting. Start with appreciation, then express your concerns clearly and kindly:
“We’re so glad to have you here. I wanted to check in on a few things I’ve noticed, so we can make sure we’re all aligned moving forward.”
Be specific. Use “I” statements instead of accusations, and invite your nanny to share their perspective.
c) Step 3: Set clear expectations
If a behavior needs to change, make it explicit. For example:
- “We’d like you to reinforce our no-screen-time policy moving forward.”
- “Can we agree to check in each afternoon with a quick update on the day?”
You might also review or revise your nanny contract if needed, so both parties are clear on the expectations.
d) Step 4: Give a timeline for improvement
If it’s a more serious concern (like ongoing tardiness or lack of engagement), give your nanny time to improve, but be direct about what needs to change and when you’ll revisit the conversation.
For example:
“Let’s touch base again next Friday and see how things are going. I’m confident we can get back on track.”
e) Step 5: Know when it’s time to part ways
If you’ve addressed concerns clearly and things still aren’t improving after some time has passed, it may be time to move on. Not every hire is the right fit—and that’s okay. Ending the relationship respectfully allows you both to move forward and opens the door to finding someone who is the right match for your family.
Red flags post-hire don’t have to derail your entire nanny experience—but they do need to be addressed. With compassionate communication, clear boundaries, and a willingness to act if needed, you can protect your family’s well-being and find a path forward that feels right.